Is your lover worthy of commitment?

Before considering to elevate a woman to long-term lover status, I suggest a test of her commitment-worthiness: Have one of your friends pretend to be a stranger and beat you up in public, only to hit on her while you are lying on the floor. See how she reacts. Take her home and have sex with her. Check for any diminution of her passion for you.

If she disgustedly rejects your friend and passionately attends to you afterward, she’s worthy.

Otherwise, oh well: she’s only human. She responded to you the way you would to her gaining 50 pounds. She’s still gamable and you should be game — but she is not commitment worthy.

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4 Responses to “Is your lover worthy of commitment?”

  1. 11minutes Says:

    Excellent point.

    In fact, it does not even need a beating. Any public humiliation that drastically lowers your status will work. Gauging her sexual reaction (and how orgasmic she is) can be very telling about how she perceives you.

    There is a scene in “Serpico”, where the main character – an honest cop trying to unveil a wide network of corrupt policemen – faces a breakup with his long term girlfriend.

    Up to that point, he had just been faithful and good to her. All that happened was that she increasingly complained that he had changed from “happy-go-lucky” to serene.

    He was quite the alpha meeting her:

    But now he is fearing for his life, tense and obsessed with getting this episode of his life behind him. He deals with it like a man.

    After complaints about him not cheering up; changing his job and other ridiculous ideas (since he is an informer, the guy would probably get killed the moment he just runs away) – she decides to leave him.

    She muses that it is because he did not “commit” (of course, him not committing was no problem as long as things were just great).

    What happens next in the movie (based on a true story) is very revealing: the guy actually commits, and calls himself the “future father of her children”. Yet, the woman angrily runs away. He follows, just to be told “we’re finished”.

    Women leave guys when they need the female support the most.

  2. Master Dogen Says:

    This is letting your woman have too much power.

    Be a fucking man. Accept that if your status goes down she will lose interest. I expect a woman to understand that if she gains 50 lbs that I will lose interest. I’m willing to play by the same rules.

  3. stagetwo Says:

    point well taken, master dogen.

    of course this is a bit tongue-in-cheek. but i guess it’s hard for me to reconcile commitment and the notion of each dropping the other when power or beauty is lost.

    my current relations to women all function the way you describe — but i wouldn’t call them committed.

    women lose their beauty with age. this is as certain as death. so if a man is to commit to her nevertheless, i feel there would have to be the reciprocal substantive commitment from her: an acceptance that transcends the laws of sexual attraction. her risk is lower anyway as men can keep and expand status and power even at an advanced age.

    but i agree with you that we should be accepting of the laws of sexual attraction even in a long-term relationship.

  4. stagetwo Says:

    11min, i want to see serpico. it seems really interesting. the thing you’re describing about the woman rationalizing her lack of interest as a response to his lack of commitment is very common, i think. different women may be conscious of this to different degrees. it happened to a friend of mine a while ago. it’s just painful to see when the guy believes this — thus learning exactly how to fail more quickly next time.

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