Archive for May, 2009

Stumble and regain your poise: You will be judged by your weakest moment

May 15, 2009

What matters more: how great you are in your strongest moments, or how well you cope with your weakest moments? To women, I suspect, the latter may matter more than is generally acknowledged.

A major factor that makes us sexually attractive to women is the stability and security we provide. Physical protection is part of this, but in the absence of physical threats it is a minor part. The degree to which we exude a sense of emotional security, stability, and happiness is a major factor. But a security guard (of the physical or emotional variety) is no good if he is not reliable. Therefore women will judge us, in part, by our weakest moments and how we cope with them.

Do we break down and get drawn into an abyss? Or do we handle mishaps with a sense of humor and recover gracefully?

A man’s appeal to women, then, cannot be determined unless we see him stumble and recover. This may account for the magic of men whose magic isn’t obvious at all in normal situations. Importantly, it would explain why women have a deep need to test us mercilessly.

It also suggests a few practical considerations: Instead of regarding our weakest moments as a lost cause and simply waiting for them to pass, we should work on better ways of coping and recovery. This may be more important than further heightening our optimal performance!

Moreover, if we are judged by the grace of our recovery, then a facade of perfect strength may not be the optimal way of impressing a woman. Instead, stumbling may be key. To stumble and recover gracefully may be sexier than not to stumble at all.

As long as we have not stumbled, she does not know how we would handle it. And she will not be able to resist trying to get us to stumble. The wise man, therefore, welcomes the obstacle that allows him to stumble – credibly – so that he might regain his poise – incredibly. This method may preempt and thus reduce her shit testing.

We need to develop a sense of the drama of stumbling and recovery.

A few days ago, I arrived late at a party and felt I needed a beer first before loosening up and socializing. So I went straight for the fridge to get three beers for me and my two guy friends. As I opened the third bottle on the slippery counter, I knocked over both of the other bottles. I thought I had made quite a fool of myself as I groped for tissues and cleaned up the mess. Interestingly, I found myself surrounded by three girls chatting me up as I finished the job. Go figure.