The Masterplan

I want it all: Sexual fulfilment and long-term love. But how can I reconcile the idea of a loving and equal relationship with the female sexual preference for the dominant mysterious manipulator, whom I love to play?

There is no easy fix, but the following game plan might do the trick.

I am open to where life takes me. The freedom of roaming as a single man and the security of long-term love both have substantial appeal. Combinations of these two elements are possible, either concurrently (in an open relationship) or sequentially (regaining freedom if love is lost). But either alternative by itself could also be fulfilling.

I have high standards in selecting a long-term partner. She has to be hot, passionate, loving, interesting, intelligent, and honest. And she has to accept the sexual polarity. (“I treat a bitch like a queen, but she’s got to realize I’m the goddamn king.” – Gangster of Love by the Geto Boys)

I hold myself and her to high standards for maintaining a long-term relationship. I’m radically honest. I enjoy the love and relatively greater security of a relationship. But I balance this with relationship game and independence. I accept her sexuality, including some degree of drama generation and continued shit testing (which I consider her rubbing up against my manhood). But I also expect the relationship to be soothing and loving overall. If she brings more stress than soothing over an extended period, I explicitly threaten to end my commitment and follow through if necessary. This converts the relationship to some combination of fuck-buddies and friendship, if she is open to that, or ends it altogether.

I lead the cultivation of the sexual polarity, and expect her complicity. I will offer her a common narrative, in which I am a kind of superhero and she is there to adore and support me. She will accept and help elaborate this narrative, effectively gaming herself and boosting my confidence. Her complicity is essential. Should she reject the offer of building a common narrative of this nature together, then I will reclaim my freedom. (The bottom line is this: if she doesn’t cooperate in creating the sexual polarity that she needs to maintain her sexual attraction, then I’d rather game multiple girls and enjoy the sexual variety of the single life.)

If she says she loves me and I believe her, I may conditionally accept monogamous commitment. I will only do this if I trust her monogamous sexual and emotional commitment and if the sexual chemistry is great. As long as we keep this up, she has me. However, I will reclaim my sexual freedom should I subjectively feel that she is less committed or if the sexual chemistry between us fades. She is the commitment leader; my commitment will always be a little below hers. To the extent that she inspires my trust, my commitment will approach hers.

If I subjectively feel that her commitment has dropped, I will reclaim my sexual freedom without confronting her about it. I may or may not stray at that point. Perhaps she turns it around before I do. Should I stray, I will not confront her about it, but will not go out of my way to lie either. I will make sure not to mislead her in the long-run by pretending to be entirely committed when I am not. If she finds out I strayed, I will explain that I reclaimed my sexual freedom, because I had a strange feeling about that part of our relationship. I will not seek to find out whether she cheated or what happened. My feeling led me to reclaim my freedom. I won’t hate her. She might win me back. I will continue to be emotionally committed if this is reciprocated (in what has by then become an open relationship).

If this game plan makes a long-term love relationship impossible, then I’ll enjoy the freedom of being a single man.

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4 Responses to “The Masterplan”

  1. Steve Says:

    Definitely Alpha.

    But what happens once is relationship is monogamous is this: marriage, mortgage, children etc. Just one incidence of leaving your wife will bring you to financial ruin. I dont know about US but in UK you will be chased by the Child Support Agency for a large proportion of your income and they are more astute than the CIA in finding you.

    Unless of course, what you meant by conditionally was no kids and no morgage.

    Good post though, I like it.

    Steve

  2. adrian drummond Says:

    I don’t think Stagetwo mentioned marriage or children but i think it’s a moot point. Interested to hear what he has to say, though.

  3. stagetwo Says:

    steve, marriage and children shouldn’t just ‘happen’. but given the strong cultural script, i can see how it might feel like that: we need to actively assert ourselves to keep these things from just happening if we’re not up for them.
    it’s true that this plan doesn’t address these complications explicitly. unfair obligations arising from marriage should be avoided, of course — by not marrying or a prenup (do those work in the UK and US?).
    if i decided to have children, i’d probably want to do my part. but if the love aspect doesn’t work out, i might reclaim my freedom, either just sexually, or also with respect to companionship and living together. i’d try to decouple these different aspects. honest friendship and coparenting are possible without continued sex.

  4. Linkage is Good for You: Backlog Edition (NSFW) Says:

    […] – “Sex at Her: Like Dancing to Me“, “You Like a Slut?“, “The Masterplan“, “Embrace the […]

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