Archive for September, 2010

Ass pinching = shit testing

September 21, 2010

Men like to pinch the asses of attractive female strangers. It’s natural. It feels good.

I’ve discussed in detail that female shit testing is really rubbing up against your manhood. Ass pinching, then, is the male equivalent of light variants of female shit testing. As such, it should be considered equally acceptable.

Both practices serve the same twin purposes: Testing before investing, and then also: just enjoying the other’s sexual quality. When we are slightly attracted to a stranger, these testing behaviors are hard to resist. Whatever the result of the test, it’s win-win for the testing party:

  • If he or she fails the test, then we’ve enjoyed whatever little desirable female or male quality the other party had to offer, and more importantly, we now know that we need not pursue.
  • If he or she passes the test, then we have escalated the interaction and know that we are going to take things to the next stage.

(A related argument is here.)

Like shit testing, ass pinching is a compliment. It means: I’m considering you.

Both ass pinching and shit testing are objectifying and, thus, slightly demeaning. That’s ok as long as it’s playful.

In the interest of gender equality, if shit testing is allowed then so must be ass pinching.

Perhaps ass pinching should be more acceptable than shit testing: After all ass pinching is healthy for women (a micro-massage), whereas shit testing stresses most men and reduces their life expectancy by a couple of years.

Ass pinching should be the average male’s goto response to a shit test. View the shit test as permission to pinch her ass. The only problem: You might not know that what she just said or did was a shit test. But then pinching without permission is sexier anyway.

Loving asshole

September 5, 2010

When a woman calls you an “asshole”, there is always an undertone of desire. And when a woman calls you “loving”, it often means that she is less sexually attracted to you and, thus, less in love with you. It’s fucked up, but that’s how it is.

We tend to think of lovingness and assholery as polar opposites.

This one-dimensional conception is useful as a rough first approximation. A man’s place on this continuum allows us to predict with surprising statistical accuracy the collective female sexual response he elicits. I suspect that the amount of behavioral variance this naive theory predicts is greater than for most textbook psychological theories.

However, lovingness and assholery are not actually opposite poles, but independent dimensions. And a man’s lovingness is by no means necessarily sexually repulsive to women.

The main problem with lovingness is that it tends to reduce dominance and to place excessive power in her hands. It is really these consequences that are deeply unsexy, not lovingness per se. If you can be loving without being a pushover, active sexual repulsion will be prevented. If you can be loving in a dominant way and on your own terms, it is actually attractive.

The ideal seducer is the loving asshole; he is simultaneously very loving and very asshole.

Mere mortal men struggle to combine these qualities. They simply cannot fathom how to amp up the assholery without losing their lovingness or vice versa. We will need to explore in depth how to achieve this later on. For inspiration, consider loving acts performed unexpectedly or against her will, combined with a gruff refusal to follow her explicit wishes. In conversation, an attitude of loving condescension is quite magical in its effect on women.

There is a class of shittest, in which the woman presents you with an apparently binary choice between loving and asshole. Choose loving, and you will have cut the sexual tension like a taut rubberband. You will feel it in her very next response. The goto solution is to choose asshole. She will be mad, but – though she will try to pretend otherwise – the game is on.

It takes genius to parry such shittests as a true loving asshole. It must not be just a playful response: A joke would be too weak. And it must be a single act of loving assholery, not one act of each: An asshole act followed by a loving act, or vice versa, is even worse than just a loving act. Not only will the sexual tension be out the window, but her respect for you as well.

The assholery must be a fart in her face, truly offensive, with the lovingness felt in its wake, as she comes to her senses and appreciates what has just happened.

Nobody said it was easy.

As a working hypothesis, I propose that how much you get laid follows this function of your lovingness and your assholery.

If lovingness is not inherently unsexy, we can ask whether assholery is inherently sexy. It might be just the consequences or concomitants of assholery – such as dominance, excitement, and sexual escalation – that cause the female sexual response. However, I like the concept of assholery, because it captures, without extenuation, the tendency to recklessly impose one’s will. This tendency springs from a combination of a strong will and a callous disregard for the other’s preferences. There is something uniquely delicious about this to the sexual beast inside her.