Loving asshole

When a woman calls you an “asshole”, there is always an undertone of desire. And when a woman calls you “loving”, it often means that she is less sexually attracted to you and, thus, less in love with you. It’s fucked up, but that’s how it is.

We tend to think of lovingness and assholery as polar opposites.

This one-dimensional conception is useful as a rough first approximation. A man’s place on this continuum allows us to predict with surprising statistical accuracy the collective female sexual response he elicits. I suspect that the amount of behavioral variance this naive theory predicts is greater than for most textbook psychological theories.

However, lovingness and assholery are not actually opposite poles, but independent dimensions. And a man’s lovingness is by no means necessarily sexually repulsive to women.

The main problem with lovingness is that it tends to reduce dominance and to place excessive power in her hands. It is really these consequences that are deeply unsexy, not lovingness per se. If you can be loving without being a pushover, active sexual repulsion will be prevented. If you can be loving in a dominant way and on your own terms, it is actually attractive.

The ideal seducer is the loving asshole; he is simultaneously very loving and very asshole.

Mere mortal men struggle to combine these qualities. They simply cannot fathom how to amp up the assholery without losing their lovingness or vice versa. We will need to explore in depth how to achieve this later on. For inspiration, consider loving acts performed unexpectedly or against her will, combined with a gruff refusal to follow her explicit wishes. In conversation, an attitude of loving condescension is quite magical in its effect on women.

There is a class of shittest, in which the woman presents you with an apparently binary choice between loving and asshole. Choose loving, and you will have cut the sexual tension like a taut rubberband. You will feel it in her very next response. The goto solution is to choose asshole. She will be mad, but – though she will try to pretend otherwise – the game is on.

It takes genius to parry such shittests as a true loving asshole. It must not be just a playful response: A joke would be too weak. And it must be a single act of loving assholery, not one act of each: An asshole act followed by a loving act, or vice versa, is even worse than just a loving act. Not only will the sexual tension be out the window, but her respect for you as well.

The assholery must be a fart in her face, truly offensive, with the lovingness felt in its wake, as she comes to her senses and appreciates what has just happened.

Nobody said it was easy.

As a working hypothesis, I propose that how much you get laid follows this function of your lovingness and your assholery.

If lovingness is not inherently unsexy, we can ask whether assholery is inherently sexy. It might be just the consequences or concomitants of assholery – such as dominance, excitement, and sexual escalation – that cause the female sexual response. However, I like the concept of assholery, because it captures, without extenuation, the tendency to recklessly impose one’s will. This tendency springs from a combination of a strong will and a callous disregard for the other’s preferences. There is something uniquely delicious about this to the sexual beast inside her.

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8 Responses to “Loving asshole”

  1. Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life Says:

    I have less math but said much the same thing here. http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/2010/01/little-more-on-alpha-and-beta-male.html

  2. Linkage is Good for You: Diversity Edition (NSFW) Says:

    […] Stagetwo – “Loving Asshole” […]

  3. dana Says:

    basically, if your wife looks at you and calls you a jerk a lot but smiles begrudgingly while she says it, you are doing it right

  4. Xamuel Says:

    Wonderful, you’ve really managed to nail down some nebulous ideas I’ve been thinking about!

    It’s interesting to look at the following scenario, the apathetic lunch. “Where do you wanna eat?” says one person. “Wherever you wanna eat,” says the other. “I dunno… wherever *you* wanna eat” returns the first. This can go on forever and is something of a minor disaster. In this scenario, the most loving thing is paradoxically to be selfish– even if you have to make something up, and pretend to have a preference for some restaurant (when you really don’t give a shit).

    In the apathetic lunch scenario, the selfless thing to do is to be selfish, and the selfish thing to do is to be selfless…

    An intelligent loving man will incorporate some aspects of the asshole, because he knows that that’s what really sets the relationship alight. Love her -> Want her to be happy -> Know that she’d be happier if you were an asshole -> Be an asshole.

  5. (R)Evolutionary Says:

    Just discovered your blog via Badger. I dig.

    The 3d graph, especially.

    Your blog is under-appreciated in the manosphere.

  6. masculineffort Says:

    Hahahaha! Love that equation. Love that graph. You are such a nerd. But you are a nerd that gets laid. You are a game nerd. Nerdy when thinking about game. But you bang women and get laid because you know the score. Hahahahaha! Wonderful. This blog is the PhdComics of game.

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