Ass pinching = shit testing

Men like to pinch the asses of attractive female strangers. It’s natural. It feels good.

I’ve discussed in detail that female shit testing is really rubbing up against your manhood. Ass pinching, then, is the male equivalent of light variants of female shit testing. As such, it should be considered equally acceptable.

Both practices serve the same twin purposes: Testing before investing, and then also: just enjoying the other’s sexual quality. When we are slightly attracted to a stranger, these testing behaviors are hard to resist. Whatever the result of the test, it’s win-win for the testing party:

  • If he or she fails the test, then we’ve enjoyed whatever little desirable female or male quality the other party had to offer, and more importantly, we now know that we need not pursue.
  • If he or she passes the test, then we have escalated the interaction and know that we are going to take things to the next stage.

(A related argument is here.)

Like shit testing, ass pinching is a compliment. It means: I’m considering you.

Both ass pinching and shit testing are objectifying and, thus, slightly demeaning. That’s ok as long as it’s playful.

In the interest of gender equality, if shit testing is allowed then so must be ass pinching.

Perhaps ass pinching should be more acceptable than shit testing: After all ass pinching is healthy for women (a micro-massage), whereas shit testing stresses most men and reduces their life expectancy by a couple of years.

Ass pinching should be the average male’s goto response to a shit test. View the shit test as permission to pinch her ass. The only problem: You might not know that what she just said or did was a shit test. But then pinching without permission is sexier anyway.

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3 Responses to “Ass pinching = shit testing”

  1. Linkage is Good for You: Obvious Phallic Symbolism Edition (NSFW) Says:

    […] Stagetwo – “Ass Pinching = Shit Testing” […]

  2. L'Étranger Says:

    stagetwo,
    not much commenting going on there, but let me say this : the logical part of my brain is having an orgasm every time I read you.

  3. Alizee Says:

    I come from a different culture (Eastern Europe), so I am used to things like direct propositioning in the street from strangers, explicit comments about my looks, men picking me up and carrying me over a stream of running water (and not being in any formal relationship with me) without so much as asking me whether I’d mind, etc. A typical dweller of North America would say, a very misogynistic culture.

    When I visited my homeland about 8 years ago, I was travelling in a train. I was standing by my compartment looking out the window. A male stranger was passing by, and as he was walking by me, he pinched my ass.

    Of course, I was shocked, but as you are saying, I took it sort of as a compliment. What was I supposed to do – go after him, call him names and slap him on the face? he was gone, it was over. He did not mean to insult me, I guess it was his way to say “hello” :).

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