Archive for December, 2010

At a local dive recently…

December 30, 2010

At a local dive recently, a guy I’ve seen before at parties comes by on his way to the bar. He’s there with a group and among them is a woman I’ve also seen at local parties. They seem to be getting drinks together. He speaks to me…

“What brings you out tonight?”

– “I don’t know… A deep desire to dance perhaps?”

I’m trying to be playful. Then I decide to step it up:

– “Actually, let me correct that. I think I’m here to take one of these bar sluts home and fuck tonight.”

His face signals shock. He’s dumbfounded.

I was kidding, of course. I would never speak the truth like that in earnest.

But he didn’t get it. And to backpedal now would be uncool. So I continue…

–”You know what I mean?”


He’s short with me now.

–”You’ve never felt like that?”


Rapid-response denial. His face is frozen in disgust, his voice appalled.

– “You never feel like… fucking?”


The playful vibe I was trying to spark is clearly not igniting.

At this point I’m wondering whether I should get him to swear that he has never in his life had an impure thought. Then perhaps I could top it up by getting him to deny the existence of his penis.

I turn to the girl for support. She’s a creature made of flesh and blood; surely she will understand me. But she’s standing a step away, and as I turn to her I realize that it’s probably because of her that he’s a bit uptight.

I should have sensed that this might be too much for him. Especially in the likely case that he’s trying to demonstrate to her that he’s all about poetry and lovemaking, and not at all about evil sex.

I let them off to the bar. He clearly needs a beer now.

Social interaction. The fun never ends.

Defining ‘nerd’

December 21, 2010

A nerd is someone who is focused on developing an explicit understanding of some content, rather than an intuitive feel for social dynamics. Because of the focus on content, a nerd will tend to miss the undercurrents of emotion and power in social interactions. A nerd can appear lost or out of touch, as a result of lacking a feel for what the interaction means to the power tectonics of the relationship with the other party.

Nerds are easily led. They tend to answer questions with naive accuracy.

The female sexual response is her emotional state multiplied by his perceived power. A male nerd is the prototypical anti-seducer because he doesn’t either create an emotional state or project power.

A woman of any sexual vibrancy will instinctually test for his tendency to be led within seconds of the the initial contact. If a tendency to be led is confirmed, she will be lastingly sexually turned off by the man. She might instantly turn cold, or she might remain warm, but in a merely friendly and asexual manner.

Whereas nerdiness is unsexy in males, it can be cute in females. Nerdiness emasculates, and so a man loses sexual appeal, whereas a woman might appear more feminine when her instinctual power play is tempered.

A male nerd can be sexy in a social environment like academia, which rewards his insights with status. A male nerd can also be sexy in conversation through direct intellectual domination of a female nerd who shares a deep interest in the same topics. This requires a subtle balance, as she needs to be intellectually inferior, but intelligent enough to feel her own inferiority. (If she is intellectually superior to him, she will be sexually turned off.)

Defining ‘nerd’ is a very nerdy thing to do. Although such a definition (and this entire blog) is about social dynamics (the nerd’s weak point, and arguably an unnerdy topic), it’s aimed at developing and explicit understanding, rather than an intuitive feel for it (thus nerdy).

Nerdiness becomes a problem, when you can’t switch it off. If you can be a nerd, but you can also play the game of social interaction with a bit of a streetwise feel for the underlying power dynamics, then you’ll be alright.

Julian Assange’s OK Cupid Profile

December 18, 2010

Check out Julian Assange’s alleged OK Cupid profile:

If he set up this profile, he clearly has game.

Humor: sexy.

December 15, 2010

When women say they’re attracted to men who can make them laugh, they’re telling the truth. This statement is within the small intersection of what is true about female sexual preference and what is socially acceptable. So women feel good saying this.

Humor is attractive because it is a demonstration of a good life, of control, and of social power and dominance over her and other people. Humor, like a tickle attack among lovers or siblings, is very dominant, but in a positive and socially acceptable way.

You and your role

December 12, 2010

It’s a fallacy that if you’re playing a role then it’s not you.

You are playing a role in every social interaction. Typically, it’s a role dictated by real or perceived expectations of others. Ideally, it’s a role scripted by you to serve your needs.

The question is not: Is it me or is it a role?

The question is: Does the role I am playing give me the power to express myself?

Clothes make men. And so do roles. You should confuse yourself with your role no more than you should confuse yourself with your clothes.

What role do you want to play?