“That’s the name of a song, right?”

Last summer, I tried to seduce a girl who resisted my charms. We went on 3 or 4 dates within as many weeks. There was a charming dynamic overall, albeit overpeppered (for my taste) with constant heavy shittesting. We danced, we shared stories, I sexualised our conversations, but all that happened physically was one passionate kiss. After that she playfully evaded me, always responding to txts, but not agreeing to meet, until I dropped her. After 9 months of no contact, here’s a facebook chat I had with her the other day.

ME: [her name], how have you been?

[let’s see if she responds…]

SHE: hi, glad to hear from u, to be honest? bad

[genuine response]

ME: why?

SHE: [her current problem at work]

ME: just got back from [job at vacation spot]. great fun.

[truthful dhv]

SHE: jealous about u, what is about ur work, so when will [my cultural achievement] come out?

[bites and remembers previously ignored more substantial dhv from last year.]

ME: oh, [my cultural achievement]. yes, it will come out this year. presentation in [location].

SHE: send me a copy with autograph

[she appears to be in groupie mode here, which would be excellent. but she might just be shittesting: if i were too happy about this fawning response (revealing neediness), she’d lose interest. so i’ll ignore her request.]

ME: what are you up to these days (other than having erotic fantasies about me)?

[unabashed sexualization and prizing. note: if she just answers the question, ignoring the parenthetic remark, then she’s implicitly accepted that i can say stuff like that and that she has these fantasies, making it social reality between us. if she responds (positively or negatively) to the notion that she has erotic fantasies about me, then she is following my sexual escalation. tricky situation for her.]

SHE: ………………….. just having erotic fantasies about u, that is all cuz of [her current problem]

[she bites: accepting the frame, but playfully undermining it with irony.]

ME: i was worried that it might be so.
addicted to those fantasies?  distracted from your work?
baby, we need to have a talk.

[playfully rubbing it in to solidify the frame]

SHE: about the context of the fantasies?

[she plays along, good.]

ME: exactly. i think you need catharsis.

[escalate sexualization]

SHE: keep u arms on pc while writing me pls

[reframing attempt: i am fantasizing about her, not her about me. in reality, it’s mutual.]

ME: this is about YOU. i am concerned about your mental well being.

[playful rejection of reframing attempt.]

SHE: since what time u have been concerned ?

ME: since hearing that you do nothing but fantasize about me. here’s what the doctor prescribes…

SHE: [my name], we havent spoken for a long time, what is going on that u r writing me? cant forgive urself that i may be affected by u 😀

[she had rebuffed my sexual advances. i like the implicit admission here that i might have more deeply impressed her.]

ME: i saw you on chat. something you may not know about me: i harbor protective feelings about friends.

[playfully cheesy – but true. also: comforting her with the friend frame.]

SHE: o really, i fucked up my life, [list of her current problems], so what would the smartest and sexiest [my name] suggest?

[i like her words. she is poking fun at the image i claim for myself: smart and sexy. but really she believes it.]

ME: (1) discipline: no more than 1 hour of sexual fantasizing about me per day from now on.
(2) catharsis

[expand on the plan by which i lead her to a better life]

SHE: just real sex with guys, ok

[shittest: she wants to see if i get jealous or insecure about the idea of her fucking others. i entirely ignore this and continue the program…]

ME: mental catharsis: you write down your fantasy in detail each day and send it to the doctor.
physical catharsis: you may masturbate to your fanatasy one time (but no more) each day.
(3) control: the rest of the day, you get your life in order.

SHE: from 1-2 boyfriend will deal with, 3… there r troubles

[she tries to expand on her shittesting theme of other boyfriends]

ME: boys, boys… [her name]. they are not the solution.

[playful nullification of her “other boys” shittest. note that “boys, boys…” also implies that i am not among them: i am the man.]

SHE: suggest girls?

[i like her playful suggestion of bisexuality: this softens her shittest into a charming tease.]

ME: girls are good, but… not the solution, either.

SHE: r u in conflict with ur girlfriend that now trying to compensate smthng?

[she’s trying to analyse me, but then she’s also happy to try another shittest, namely to put me on the spot. in addition, she might want to find out about my current situation.]

ME: which girlfriend?
it’s complicated.

[you get what you deserve for your shittests, baby.]

SHE: its always complicated so (1) dicipline …. other i think u known

ME: ?

SHE: try your recipe on yourslef

[strong rejection of my attempt to playfully lead her]

ME: i don’t have your problem.

[factual response emphasizing the polarity between us. i realize this is heavy artillery, but she asked for it.]

SHE: my problem??? what is my problem

[i hit her close to home. she is a little upset now.]

ME: as you said: intrusive sexual fantasies about one particular man, who is too far away for direct sexual release.

[i lead it back to the playful sexual frame from before, sidestepping her negative thoughts, and introducing the notion of the two of us fucking.]

SHE: ok, cool, then what do u want ?

[she’s in “whatever” mode, but still hooked.]

ME: a description of your fantasy. i want to see your imagination.

[sexualization, attempt to get her to qualify (does she have imagination?) and invest (work at writing it).]

SHE: i understand that for sexual arousal u need some text from female written with idea about u but sorry i cant write cheap porn stuff – not for me.

[is she mad at me? is it a shittest? or does she feel unable to write well enough? a bit of all of the above, i guess.]

SHE: have to go and dont project on me ur own stuff pls, it makes really bad image of u

[slightly clumsy manipulation attempt: if she says what i’m doing makes me look bad, then i will have to stop. yeah, right.]

ME: not cheap porn stuff.
your unique erotic fantasy.
that’s a big difference, baby.

[combine the sexual frame with the idea that she is unique and important to me. top up with an affectionately presumptive “baby”.]

SHE: dont call me baby

[mad-at-me shittest.]

ME: that’s the name of a song, right?

[i’m proud of this spontaneous response, and i will use it in the future, no doubt.]

SHE: have a good evening, hope u will get better, see longtime flights have an influence

[shittest: she’s suggesting i’m momentarily deranged.]

ME: i am good. and like to see you smile.

[i don’t bite. instead get more serious and positive.]

SHE: see me what?

ME: when you are down, i like to give you some of my good time. so you can smile and be happy for a moment.

[i’m reminding her that i’m spending half an hour entertaining her and giving her my attention. and i do like her.]

SHE: should i understand it directly or read between lines?

[thinks i’m bullshitting – she’s halfright.]

ME: directly.

[pause]

ME: and between the lines.
both, baby.

[escalate again, by disrepecting her previous request not to be called “baby”.]

SHE: my iq doesnt let me, u know

[playful withdrawal shittest: she’s claiming she lacks the intelligence to converse with me. but then also: she might really be a little insecure in this regard.]

ME: your social and emotional iq is very high. and i like that a lot.

[genuine appreciation of something special about her. true.]

SHE: (scared) sounds like compliment

[how sweet and genuine is that?!]

ME: sometimes a compliment is a compliment.

SHE: that is why i am wondering

ME: why?  

SHE: to easy for u too
have to go  

ME: alright. talk to you later.

[not clinging]

SHE: then have a good evening, have a real girl pls (its more healthy!)

ME: i have enough real girls. i want to be in touch with you.

[true strong frame.]

SHE: u know my fantasies about u r only for me. u wont get them

[explicit admission without irony.]

and i think that [flattering description of me] shouldnt have any relationship with [unflattering description of herself], u know

[this is evasion but might also reveal that she really does feel somewhat unworthy of me. i didn’t fully appreciate this point during the chat.]

ME: societal boundaries only heighten our feelings.

SHE: stop stop stop. we started with instincts lets finish with them also.
feeling theory will try on another one.

bye

[sweet how she negotiates the arc of the interaction: sexual start to sexual finish. she is threatened by the idea of the possibility of feelings between us. this reveals my potential emotional power over her. she is asking now to keep it just sexual. i should have said ” societal boundaries only heighten our attraction” instead of “…feelings”.]

ME: send me your fantasy then. talk to you soon.

SHE: no way! it’s for me can’t share. c u

[she, again, refuses to share. but note that it is now social reality between us that she has sexual fantasies about me. i don’t respond anymore, but leave it for another day.]

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5 Responses to ““That’s the name of a song, right?””

  1. Beet.A Says:

    Are you serious? I came across you blog from another. Very disappointing, you got good writing skills not enough game. Also you need to work on interpretations, they are way off course. You seem like a natural alpha but have poor tact/leadership. Improve approach, stop escalations, stop the irony, you are chasing her very explicitly, and she knows it. She has no fantasies whatsoever about you, that’s her hook, line and you sunk., she is gaming you.

    * Facepalm*

    • stagetwo Says:

      perhaps you’re onto something. can you be more specific? can’t be all off though as she’s started contacting me spontaneously after this.

      • hecta Says:

        beet.a is either a virgin or a feminist… your convo with this girl and your analysis was epic.

  2. Tom Ford Says:

    I’ve had conversations similar…Thanks for the laugh! 🙂

  3. Batman Says:

    stagetwo, you are a pretty smart guy and i can’t believe that in this day and age the smart guys in this country are spending there time having such inane conversation with girls. i started getting a headache reading the chat. it really depresses me that one can’t have a normal, playful conversation with girls, this just seems too much work. i can’t believe that things have devolved to this stage. no wonder the men in this country are not producing the breakthroughs that made it great to begin with. romantico

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