Archive for the ‘entirely serious suggestions for social change’ Category

Ass pinching = shit testing

September 21, 2010

Men like to pinch the asses of attractive female strangers. It’s natural. It feels good.

I’ve discussed in detail that female shit testing is really rubbing up against your manhood. Ass pinching, then, is the male equivalent of light variants of female shit testing. As such, it should be considered equally acceptable.

Both practices serve the same twin purposes: Testing before investing, and then also: just enjoying the other’s sexual quality. When we are slightly attracted to a stranger, these testing behaviors are hard to resist. Whatever the result of the test, it’s win-win for the testing party:

  • If he or she fails the test, then we’ve enjoyed whatever little desirable female or male quality the other party had to offer, and more importantly, we now know that we need not pursue.
  • If he or she passes the test, then we have escalated the interaction and know that we are going to take things to the next stage.

(A related argument is here.)

Like shit testing, ass pinching is a compliment. It means: I’m considering you.

Both ass pinching and shit testing are objectifying and, thus, slightly demeaning. That’s ok as long as it’s playful.

In the interest of gender equality, if shit testing is allowed then so must be ass pinching.

Perhaps ass pinching should be more acceptable than shit testing: After all ass pinching is healthy for women (a micro-massage), whereas shit testing stresses most men and reduces their life expectancy by a couple of years.

Ass pinching should be the average male’s goto response to a shit test. View the shit test as permission to pinch her ass. The only problem: You might not know that what she just said or did was a shit test. But then pinching without permission is sexier anyway.

You like a slut?

August 22, 2010

Slut is a term used to shame women who have a lot of sex.

Why would having a lot of sex be a bad thing? And why should it be particularly bad for a woman?
Poetry of Flesh has an interesting first-person perspective.

Progressives embrace the idea that men and women alike should be sexually free. It’s everyone’s right, right?

We’re tempted, thus, to redefine slut as “sexually passionate and promiscuous woman”, and to counteract the stigma by using the term with positive connotations: “She’s wonderful — such a slut.”

While the political plan of destigmatizing the term has some appeal, there is little indication that the stigma will be overcome  anytime soon in mainstream culture. The stigma is deep-seated and strangely powerful. More so, than that of, say, ‘gay’, today.

Beyond the intellectual considerations of a political discussion, we may ask ourselves how we feel about sluts. How do we feel about having a slut as a girlfriend, wife, or daughter?

Personally, I’d say my ideal is a woman who is very sexually passionate, but also highly selective. A woman who has experience, but no compulsion to jump random strangers. Hammer has some interesting thoughts along related lines on sluts versus hedonists and sexual-liberator game.

Baumeister and Twenge (2002) argue that slut shaming occurs mainly among females to keep the price of sex high. Their argument makes sense. Dumping willing vaginas on the market should be bad for women (except those very vaginas) and good for men: (1) Men get more sex. (2) Men get more power (as the sexual deprivation that enslaves many men is alleviated).

Nevertheless, slut shaming is widespread among men as well. And surprisingly, given that sluts give sex, especially in the sphere of game.

Personally, I won’t game a girl, lay her, and then disrespect her for being easy. I feel that that’s fucked up and prefer less conflicted relationships with women. I’ve had long-term girlfriends that slept with me on the first date. They are no less trustworthy (and not even necessarily sluttier) in my experience than girls who play chaste.

Male slut shaming may have a lot to do with sexual insecurity (“Can I compete with the others?”) and vagina envy (“Why is she getting laid more than I?”). But can we dismiss it so easily?

Here‘s a recent example from Roissy’s blog. The slut shaming on Roissy’s blog and elsewhere is part of an agenda to curb female power.

The general evolutionary-psychology argument about the discontents of today’s sexual market is compelling:

Females are attracted to powerful males. Merely equal males are never sexually attractive. This already creates a real problem for the progressive ideal of equal societal power: Equality of societal power means that most men are not attractive to females. They can get to have sex only to the degree that culture enforces monogamy, such that males and females are matched in pairs, and few are left out.

This is where  sexual liberation comes in to compound the problem. Sexual liberation means a free sexual market, unconfined by monogamy. And in a free sexual market, female sexual preference dominates. The reason for this is greater female selectivity reflecting the biological scarcity of eggs and abundance of sperm: Only a small proportion of the males is needed to keep all women constantly pregnant.

Ironically, the result of a sexual market dominated by female sexual preference is soft polygamy: few alpha males monopolize access to sex with most females. A female may suffer from her chosen alpha’s promiscuity, but not enough to settle for a male she could have to herself.

The chosen alphas reflect female sexual preference, for power, along with dark-triad traits (narcissism, machiavellianism, and psychopathy). Like the males’ promiscuity, these particular preferred traits may cause suffering for the women liberated enough to follow their sexual preference. Beyond these preferred traits, the alphas are special for their position at the center of a crowd of women. Nothing attracts a crowd of women like a crowd of women.

Indeed most men, today, are sexually frustrated to varying degrees. It’s not surprising that they are angry and aggressive. Something has to change to integrate them better. I’m just not sure that shaming sluts and reinstating 50’s-type morality will do the trick at this point.

In the interest of both genders, we cannot let sex be controlled entirely by the female brain’s sex module.

Game is one response. But will it suffice?

Does anyone have a serious answer to this?

Game is a gift to women

August 9, 2010

Is game fake and manipulation? Yes. We’re cheating God, who wants assholes and abusers to rule women’s sexual fantasies. We’re tricking women into desiring us, even as we are caring and loving at heart (in secret, as she wouldn’t respond well to such knowledge). We do this because we enjoy sex and sexual power. As a side effect, it saves women from their own immutable biological program of sexual preference. A man with game will give a woman the exact amount of domination, degradation, and abuse she sexually needs. But unlike the true asshole and the true psychopath, he can control the dosage.

Priceless advice: refrigerator game

July 13, 2010

Sex insurance: a “sex nurse” button on every bed

August 11, 2009

When someone gets laid less than three times a week, this should be viewed as a health emergency. Health care should kick in to solve the problem.

Universal health care should standardly include sex insurance, not just optionally like a vision plan. Should anyone ever be faced with such an unbearable situation (unless it is by choice), sex insurance would cover a visit from a prostitute.

Perhaps beds should be required by law to come equipped with a “sex nurse” button. Press it and someone sexy from the government comes by to help within 30 minutes.

Think of the consequences: Reduction in depression and suicide, especially among men. Reduction of sexual abuse and rape, especially of females. A likely reduction of crime and public aggression in general.

Importantly, sex insurance would put an end to exploitative abuse of sexual power. It would thus provide the basis for true gender equality.

This is what I call real health care reform.

In defense of honest sluts and whores

January 10, 2009

In recent years, discussions of female sexual psychology have revealed truths that put our love of women to the test and are at a strong tension with the political ideal of gender equality. The pickup community has empirically explored female sexuality and how best to stoke female sexual passion. However, the revelation of the truth about female sexual passion has brought with it a strong aversive reaction among men against the very sexual passion they so desire to elicit and experience: If she is sexually passionate, men ask, how can I be sure that I am the only object of her passion and the biological father of the children I may come to raise?

These reasonable concerns have led some men to argue that female passion should be shamed (even as it is enjoyed by them) so as to ensure control of sexual commitment and biological fatherhood. The key concept to such societal control of female sexuality is the concept of “slut”, which denotes a sexually passionate and typically promiscuous woman, who is to be considered undesirable for a serious relationship.

I do agree that there is female behavior that is socially destructive and thus deserves to be shamed for the common good. However, I do not support the shaming of sluts or of female promiscuity. It seems to me to be both unfair to women and ultimately undesirable for men. Instead of shaming the sexual passion or promiscuity, I think it is simply dishonesty that deserves to be shamed. On this basis, I propose the following typology of women.

 

(1) The whore

Definition of whore: A person (typically a woman) who uses her sexual power over people to obtain nonsexual benefits, including money, gifts, and ego validation.

(1a) The honest whore

An honest whore is a whore who obtains nonsexual benefits through her sexual power over people in an honest exchange of goods. The typical example is the professional prostitute. Although this profession is probably as old as mankind and crucial to social peace, the honest whore is not well respected in polite society. This is a great injustice and hypocrisy, because honest whores, whether they are professionals or amateurs, actually make an indispensable and highly honorable contribution. They deserve our highest respect as human beings and as professionals.

(1b) The dishonest whore

A dishonest whore is a whore who obtains nonsexual benefits through her sexual power over people in a dishonest fashion, i.e. by misleading her target. The typical example of a dishonest whore is the widely respected “good girl” who goes on more than two dates with a male who is sexually interested in her, without having sex with him, while nurturing his belief in the possibility of sex, and accepting the male’s financial (typically drinks, dinners, or gifts) and/or emotional investment. This type of “good girl” deserves no respect at all. Her behavior is driven by material greed and/or an insatiable need to boost her ego at men’s expense. She deserves disrespect and social punishment – as this may be the only way to contain the substantial emotional and financial damage she causes.

Note that the dishonest whore may or may not be promiscuous and may or may not be a slut simultaneously (definition below). In fact, she may be a virgin, denying herself the pleasure of indulging her own sexual impulses, and doing damage to herself and others. Her virginity does not make her any less of a whore, if she abuses her sexual power in her dealings with largely defenseless men.

 

(2) The Slut

Definition of slut: a sexually passionate woman, who indulges her sexual impulses if they are sufficiently strong.

(2a) The honest slut

An honest slut is a passionate woman in touch with and honest about her sexuality. She will have sex with a man who is extremely attractive to her. However, her honesty prevents her from misrepresenting her current sexual contacts to a man who is sexually interested and/or emotionally invested in her. She might not volunteer information that might incriminate her by society’s hypocritical standards to people who have no right to know about her private life. But she will not grossly misrepresent her current sex life to a man seriously interested in her. Honesty is easier to achieve for choosy sluts, who have high self-esteem and are not addicted to sex for validation, simply because they are less promiscuous, i.e. their behavior is closer to the hypocritical ideal of virginity.

Note that a slut may or may not be promiscuous. In principle, a slut may simultaneously be a virgin: if she has not yet met the man to tempt her sufficiently, either because she is very young, or because she has exceedingly high standards.

The ideal woman is the honest slut who is also genuinely loving. She combines sexual passion, honesty, and true caring and empathy for people she likes. This is the woman qualified to bear my children.

(2b) The dishonest slut

A dishonest slut is a sexually passionate woman, who does not manage to be both passionate and honest at the same time: Faced with society’s judgments, and with male insecurity and need for control, she breaks down and lies about her behavior. Perhaps she has low-self esteem and needs excessive sex for validation. Perhaps she simply has low standards. In either case, she could be an honest slut, if she did not feel the need to hide her behavior. A truly sexually secure man may elicit honesty in a slut who is usually dishonest, because he does not judge or feel threatened by her sexual passion or promiscuity. In general, however, the dishonest slut feels the need to misrepresent her current sexual contacts in front of men who are sexually interested and/or emotionally investing in her. Note that the dishonest slut could be a virgin in principle. She is a slut to the extent that she is sexually passionate and dishonest to the extent that she misrepresents her sexuality to her suitors.

 

Five independent dimensions

Note that I view sexual passion (sluttiness), use of sexual power for nonsexual benefits (whorishness), promiscuity, honesty, and lovingness as independent variables. All combinations are possible and actually occur. Sexual passion and lovingness are beautiful qualities that deserve to be cultivated; lack thereof is regrettable, but nobody’s fault. Use of sexual power for nonsexual benefits is a reality to be accepted. Promiscuity is neither good nor bad. Honesty is a highly desirable acquired social skill; dishonesty deserves to be shamed so as to promote acquisition of honesty.