Archive for the ‘first-person’ Category

“That’s the name of a song, right?”

May 16, 2011

Last summer, I tried to seduce a girl who resisted my charms. We went on 3 or 4 dates within as many weeks. There was a charming dynamic overall, albeit overpeppered (for my taste) with constant heavy shittesting. We danced, we shared stories, I sexualised our conversations, but all that happened physically was one passionate kiss. After that she playfully evaded me, always responding to txts, but not agreeing to meet, until I dropped her. After 9 months of no contact, here’s a facebook chat I had with her the other day.

ME: [her name], how have you been?

[let’s see if she responds…]

SHE: hi, glad to hear from u, to be honest? bad

[genuine response]

ME: why?

SHE: [her current problem at work]

ME: just got back from [job at vacation spot]. great fun.

[truthful dhv]

SHE: jealous about u, what is about ur work, so when will [my cultural achievement] come out?

[bites and remembers previously ignored more substantial dhv from last year.]

ME: oh, [my cultural achievement]. yes, it will come out this year. presentation in [location].

SHE: send me a copy with autograph

[she appears to be in groupie mode here, which would be excellent. but she might just be shittesting: if i were too happy about this fawning response (revealing neediness), she’d lose interest. so i’ll ignore her request.]

ME: what are you up to these days (other than having erotic fantasies about me)?

[unabashed sexualization and prizing. note: if she just answers the question, ignoring the parenthetic remark, then she’s implicitly accepted that i can say stuff like that and that she has these fantasies, making it social reality between us. if she responds (positively or negatively) to the notion that she has erotic fantasies about me, then she is following my sexual escalation. tricky situation for her.]

SHE: ………………….. just having erotic fantasies about u, that is all cuz of [her current problem]

[she bites: accepting the frame, but playfully undermining it with irony.]

ME: i was worried that it might be so.
addicted to those fantasies?  distracted from your work?
baby, we need to have a talk.

[playfully rubbing it in to solidify the frame]

SHE: about the context of the fantasies?

[she plays along, good.]

ME: exactly. i think you need catharsis.

[escalate sexualization]

SHE: keep u arms on pc while writing me pls

[reframing attempt: i am fantasizing about her, not her about me. in reality, it’s mutual.]

ME: this is about YOU. i am concerned about your mental well being.

[playful rejection of reframing attempt.]

SHE: since what time u have been concerned ?

ME: since hearing that you do nothing but fantasize about me. here’s what the doctor prescribes…

SHE: [my name], we havent spoken for a long time, what is going on that u r writing me? cant forgive urself that i may be affected by u 😀

[she had rebuffed my sexual advances. i like the implicit admission here that i might have more deeply impressed her.]

ME: i saw you on chat. something you may not know about me: i harbor protective feelings about friends.

[playfully cheesy – but true. also: comforting her with the friend frame.]

SHE: o really, i fucked up my life, [list of her current problems], so what would the smartest and sexiest [my name] suggest?

[i like her words. she is poking fun at the image i claim for myself: smart and sexy. but really she believes it.]

ME: (1) discipline: no more than 1 hour of sexual fantasizing about me per day from now on.
(2) catharsis

[expand on the plan by which i lead her to a better life]

SHE: just real sex with guys, ok

[shittest: she wants to see if i get jealous or insecure about the idea of her fucking others. i entirely ignore this and continue the program…]

ME: mental catharsis: you write down your fantasy in detail each day and send it to the doctor.
physical catharsis: you may masturbate to your fanatasy one time (but no more) each day.
(3) control: the rest of the day, you get your life in order.

SHE: from 1-2 boyfriend will deal with, 3… there r troubles

[she tries to expand on her shittesting theme of other boyfriends]

ME: boys, boys… [her name]. they are not the solution.

[playful nullification of her “other boys” shittest. note that “boys, boys…” also implies that i am not among them: i am the man.]

SHE: suggest girls?

[i like her playful suggestion of bisexuality: this softens her shittest into a charming tease.]

ME: girls are good, but… not the solution, either.

SHE: r u in conflict with ur girlfriend that now trying to compensate smthng?

[she’s trying to analyse me, but then she’s also happy to try another shittest, namely to put me on the spot. in addition, she might want to find out about my current situation.]

ME: which girlfriend?
it’s complicated.

[you get what you deserve for your shittests, baby.]

SHE: its always complicated so (1) dicipline …. other i think u known

ME: ?

SHE: try your recipe on yourslef

[strong rejection of my attempt to playfully lead her]

ME: i don’t have your problem.

[factual response emphasizing the polarity between us. i realize this is heavy artillery, but she asked for it.]

SHE: my problem??? what is my problem

[i hit her close to home. she is a little upset now.]

ME: as you said: intrusive sexual fantasies about one particular man, who is too far away for direct sexual release.

[i lead it back to the playful sexual frame from before, sidestepping her negative thoughts, and introducing the notion of the two of us fucking.]

SHE: ok, cool, then what do u want ?

[she’s in “whatever” mode, but still hooked.]

ME: a description of your fantasy. i want to see your imagination.

[sexualization, attempt to get her to qualify (does she have imagination?) and invest (work at writing it).]

SHE: i understand that for sexual arousal u need some text from female written with idea about u but sorry i cant write cheap porn stuff – not for me.

[is she mad at me? is it a shittest? or does she feel unable to write well enough? a bit of all of the above, i guess.]

SHE: have to go and dont project on me ur own stuff pls, it makes really bad image of u

[slightly clumsy manipulation attempt: if she says what i’m doing makes me look bad, then i will have to stop. yeah, right.]

ME: not cheap porn stuff.
your unique erotic fantasy.
that’s a big difference, baby.

[combine the sexual frame with the idea that she is unique and important to me. top up with an affectionately presumptive “baby”.]

SHE: dont call me baby

[mad-at-me shittest.]

ME: that’s the name of a song, right?

[i’m proud of this spontaneous response, and i will use it in the future, no doubt.]

SHE: have a good evening, hope u will get better, see longtime flights have an influence

[shittest: she’s suggesting i’m momentarily deranged.]

ME: i am good. and like to see you smile.

[i don’t bite. instead get more serious and positive.]

SHE: see me what?

ME: when you are down, i like to give you some of my good time. so you can smile and be happy for a moment.

[i’m reminding her that i’m spending half an hour entertaining her and giving her my attention. and i do like her.]

SHE: should i understand it directly or read between lines?

[thinks i’m bullshitting – she’s halfright.]

ME: directly.


ME: and between the lines.
both, baby.

[escalate again, by disrepecting her previous request not to be called “baby”.]

SHE: my iq doesnt let me, u know

[playful withdrawal shittest: she’s claiming she lacks the intelligence to converse with me. but then also: she might really be a little insecure in this regard.]

ME: your social and emotional iq is very high. and i like that a lot.

[genuine appreciation of something special about her. true.]

SHE: (scared) sounds like compliment

[how sweet and genuine is that?!]

ME: sometimes a compliment is a compliment.

SHE: that is why i am wondering

ME: why?  

SHE: to easy for u too
have to go  

ME: alright. talk to you later.

[not clinging]

SHE: then have a good evening, have a real girl pls (its more healthy!)

ME: i have enough real girls. i want to be in touch with you.

[true strong frame.]

SHE: u know my fantasies about u r only for me. u wont get them

[explicit admission without irony.]

and i think that [flattering description of me] shouldnt have any relationship with [unflattering description of herself], u know

[this is evasion but might also reveal that she really does feel somewhat unworthy of me. i didn’t fully appreciate this point during the chat.]

ME: societal boundaries only heighten our feelings.

SHE: stop stop stop. we started with instincts lets finish with them also.
feeling theory will try on another one.


[sweet how she negotiates the arc of the interaction: sexual start to sexual finish. she is threatened by the idea of the possibility of feelings between us. this reveals my potential emotional power over her. she is asking now to keep it just sexual. i should have said ” societal boundaries only heighten our attraction” instead of “…feelings”.]

ME: send me your fantasy then. talk to you soon.

SHE: no way! it’s for me can’t share. c u

[she, again, refuses to share. but note that it is now social reality between us that she has sexual fantasies about me. i don’t respond anymore, but leave it for another day.],t=1,mt=video

At a local dive recently…

December 30, 2010

At a local dive recently, a guy I’ve seen before at parties comes by on his way to the bar. He’s there with a group and among them is a woman I’ve also seen at local parties. They seem to be getting drinks together. He speaks to me…

“What brings you out tonight?”

– “I don’t know… A deep desire to dance perhaps?”

I’m trying to be playful. Then I decide to step it up:

– “Actually, let me correct that. I think I’m here to take one of these bar sluts home and fuck tonight.”

His face signals shock. He’s dumbfounded.

I was kidding, of course. I would never speak the truth like that in earnest.

But he didn’t get it. And to backpedal now would be uncool. So I continue…

–”You know what I mean?”


He’s short with me now.

–”You’ve never felt like that?”


Rapid-response denial. His face is frozen in disgust, his voice appalled.

– “You never feel like… fucking?”


The playful vibe I was trying to spark is clearly not igniting.

At this point I’m wondering whether I should get him to swear that he has never in his life had an impure thought. Then perhaps I could top it up by getting him to deny the existence of his penis.

I turn to the girl for support. She’s a creature made of flesh and blood; surely she will understand me. But she’s standing a step away, and as I turn to her I realize that it’s probably because of her that he’s a bit uptight.

I should have sensed that this might be too much for him. Especially in the likely case that he’s trying to demonstrate to her that he’s all about poetry and lovemaking, and not at all about evil sex.

I let them off to the bar. He clearly needs a beer now.

Social interaction. The fun never ends.

I’m a thug, I’m a lover, I’m a dog, I’m a father…

August 27, 2010

Meredith Brooks sings:

I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your health, I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way

Imagine a male version, a smoky, ultra-masculine voice singing:

I’m a thug, I’m a lover,
I’m a dog, I’m a father
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your h/wealth, I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way

The interesting thing is: this gender inversion renders the final line “You wouldn’t want it any other way” true.

This is because the original lyrics are in fact a confused inversion of the reality of gender dynamics.

While women love assholes, men do not love bitches.

Women love assholes because they project power, which is what women are primarily attracted to. Men do not love bitches, because being a bitch does not enhance beauty, which is what men are primarily attracted to.

Being highly desired, can cause arrogance in either gender, turning a woman into a bitch and a man into an asshole. However, the reverse causality only works on women. So for a man acting the asshole increases his sex appeal. But for a woman acting the bitch doesn’t increase her sex appeal.

The misguided inversion of genders sometimes leads females to try seduction tactics on men that are bound to fail. For example, I’ve had women neg me to seduce, saying things like: “I don’t like you.” and “You don’t have any sense of rhythm.”

Now, of course, it could be that she just really didn’t like me or I don’t have any rhythm. However, in these situations it was obvious from context that she was just trying to get my attention.

This phenomenon is fascinating. The technique is unlikely to have ever worked for her on a man. That she is using it reveals her thought process: she knows it would work on her, and she assumes that men are the same.

There’s even a book selling this misguided idea to unsuspecting women…

Embrace the situation

August 25, 2010

Embrace the situation in its full complexity. Feel: the ambiguity intrigues me. When you see an interesting woman, embrace everything within you that attracts you to her and everything that deters you and at the same time perceive the social scene as a whole. If you then gravitate toward her, fully conscious and open to the complexity within and without you, you will be humble, free, and confident. The hubris of pretending that the dynamics can be predicted or controlled will fade from your mind. Let go of that control. Let prediction wither as perception blooms. Entrust yourself to the dynamics and let your boundary become permeable, to the inflow (prediction withering as perception blooms) and to the outflow of information (conscious control withering as spontaneous expression blooms). Breaking these barriers will put a twinkle in your eye. She will not be able to resist you.

Honest grandmother

August 24, 2010

“Women are an unpredictable race. They always want the unattainable. You need to proceed strategically: remain unattainable. No one can take that right from you.”

– My grandmother’s words (I remember the exact phrasing because I wrote it down immediately after the conversation)

The Masterplan

August 23, 2010

I want it all: Sexual fulfilment and long-term love. But how can I reconcile the idea of a loving and equal relationship with the female sexual preference for the dominant mysterious manipulator, whom I love to play?

There is no easy fix, but the following game plan might do the trick.

I am open to where life takes me. The freedom of roaming as a single man and the security of long-term love both have substantial appeal. Combinations of these two elements are possible, either concurrently (in an open relationship) or sequentially (regaining freedom if love is lost). But either alternative by itself could also be fulfilling.

I have high standards in selecting a long-term partner. She has to be hot, passionate, loving, interesting, intelligent, and honest. And she has to accept the sexual polarity. (“I treat a bitch like a queen, but she’s got to realize I’m the goddamn king.” – Gangster of Love by the Geto Boys)

I hold myself and her to high standards for maintaining a long-term relationship. I’m radically honest. I enjoy the love and relatively greater security of a relationship. But I balance this with relationship game and independence. I accept her sexuality, including some degree of drama generation and continued shit testing (which I consider her rubbing up against my manhood). But I also expect the relationship to be soothing and loving overall. If she brings more stress than soothing over an extended period, I explicitly threaten to end my commitment and follow through if necessary. This converts the relationship to some combination of fuck-buddies and friendship, if she is open to that, or ends it altogether.

I lead the cultivation of the sexual polarity, and expect her complicity. I will offer her a common narrative, in which I am a kind of superhero and she is there to adore and support me. She will accept and help elaborate this narrative, effectively gaming herself and boosting my confidence. Her complicity is essential. Should she reject the offer of building a common narrative of this nature together, then I will reclaim my freedom. (The bottom line is this: if she doesn’t cooperate in creating the sexual polarity that she needs to maintain her sexual attraction, then I’d rather game multiple girls and enjoy the sexual variety of the single life.)

If she says she loves me and I believe her, I may conditionally accept monogamous commitment. I will only do this if I trust her monogamous sexual and emotional commitment and if the sexual chemistry is great. As long as we keep this up, she has me. However, I will reclaim my sexual freedom should I subjectively feel that she is less committed or if the sexual chemistry between us fades. She is the commitment leader; my commitment will always be a little below hers. To the extent that she inspires my trust, my commitment will approach hers.

If I subjectively feel that her commitment has dropped, I will reclaim my sexual freedom without confronting her about it. I may or may not stray at that point. Perhaps she turns it around before I do. Should I stray, I will not confront her about it, but will not go out of my way to lie either. I will make sure not to mislead her in the long-run by pretending to be entirely committed when I am not. If she finds out I strayed, I will explain that I reclaimed my sexual freedom, because I had a strange feeling about that part of our relationship. I will not seek to find out whether she cheated or what happened. My feeling led me to reclaim my freedom. I won’t hate her. She might win me back. I will continue to be emotionally committed if this is reciprocated (in what has by then become an open relationship).

If this game plan makes a long-term love relationship impossible, then I’ll enjoy the freedom of being a single man.

Sex to her: like dancing to me

August 21, 2010

I love dancing – with women – as part of the game. It’s a metaphor for sex.

But when she is mine sexually, my motivation to dance with her and my enjoyment of it diminishes.

Is dancing just a means to the end of seduction for me then?

No. I genuinely enjoy it for the experience itself – but it is irresistible to me only in the context of seduction.

Sex to a woman is like dancing to me. She loves sex. But when a man is thoroughly hers, her enjoyment of sex with him diminishes somewhat. Is sex just a means to the end of conquering a man to her then? No. She genuinely loves it – but it is irresistible to her only in the context of seducing a man to fall in love with her.

Two out of three

August 18, 2010

The female sex module selects men by their personality, preferring traits of the dark triad: narcissism, machiavellianism, and psychopathy.

I’ve got one of them in abundance by nature.

And machiavellianism I just fake to manipulate her.

Two out of three, I do alright.

Game is a gift to women

August 9, 2010

Is game fake and manipulation? Yes. We’re cheating God, who wants assholes and abusers to rule women’s sexual fantasies. We’re tricking women into desiring us, even as we are caring and loving at heart (in secret, as she wouldn’t respond well to such knowledge). We do this because we enjoy sex and sexual power. As a side effect, it saves women from their own immutable biological program of sexual preference. A man with game will give a woman the exact amount of domination, degradation, and abuse she sexually needs. But unlike the true asshole and the true psychopath, he can control the dosage.

When she endlessly repeats the same question about you…

August 7, 2010

I open a girl at a bar.

Me: “Your drink looks poisonous.”
She: “It’s my favorite.”
Me: “It will kill you.”
She: “I hear an accent. Where are you from?”
Me: “Where are you from?”
She: “I’m from here. Where are you from?”
Me: [pause] “Abroad.”
She: “I can tell as much. What country?”
Me: [pause] “A dark land.”
She: “Tell me.”
Me: [mock serious pose]
She: “Where are you from?”

I smile and leave her hanging to go back to my friends.
Ten minutes later, close to the dancefloor, she reopens.

She: “Where are you from?”
Me: [calm, friendly, questioning expression]

She: “Where are you from?”
Me: “You should be dancing.”

She: “Where are you from?”
Me: “Is it important to you?”

She: “I just want to know. Where are you from?”

She repeated that exact same question another five, or so, times. The exact repetition almost appeared as an attempt at pretending the question had not been asked and left unanswered previously. Asking it freshly, as though out of the blue, might trigger a reflex to truthfully answer, she might have felt. Or perhaps she was just planning to wear me out.

I never told her.

Different situation: 21-year-old HB8, third date (not counting two meetings in groups), and she is still resisting the kiss, playing good girl.

She: “How old are you?”
Me: “Old!”
She: “How old?”

Me: “Imagine a number, and I’ll read your mind and tell you if you’re right.”
She: [annoyed look]
Me: “Close your eyes and imagine a number.”
She closes her eyes. I wait a couple of seconds, then break out laughing: “Ha, ha, ha, I’m much older than that.”

She: “How old are you?”
Me: [calm, friendly expression]

She: “How old are you?”
Me: [mock serious pose]

She: “How old are you?”
Me: [amused chuckle]

She: “How old are you?”
Me: “I am a vampire. I’m hundreds of years old.”

She: “How old are you?”
Me: “I don’t remember exactly. I was born so very long ago.”

She: “How old are you?”
Me: “Please say it again. It’s sexy.”

She’s shocked and also amused, turns away for a moment in frustration.

She: “How old are you?”
Me: [Taking out iphone to film her say it.]

She: “No, you can’t film.”
Me: “It’s so funny and sweet. Just want to capture the moment, please say it again one more time.”

She: “I don’t like you.”
Me: “Yes, I know you like me.”

She: “How old are you?”
Me: “I like your passion.”

She: “What passion?”
Me: “Your sexual passion, which makes you want to know.”

She: “How old are you?”
Me: [no response]

She: “Why don’t you answer? Is it a problem?”
Me: “You want to know why I don’t tell you?”
She: “Yes!”
Me: “I like that you feel this passionate curiosity. It is a very beautiful thing. It’s my gift to you.”

She: “How old are you? Show me your ID card?”
Me: “I’m sorry officer, I left my card at home.”

She: “I’m going to find out eventually anyway!”

She steps closer, touches me, faces very close now.

She: “How old are you?”
Me: “Actually I have my ID card here in my pocket. But it’s fake. If you were police, I’d show it to you. But to you, I am honest, so I won’t show it.”

She: “How old are you?”
Me: [gazing straight into her eyes with brashness and amusement]

Passionate kiss!

The exact repetition of the same question, again and again and again, is an interesting phenomenon. These girls were both young. More mature women perhaps would stop themselves. However, I suspect there is a lesson here that applies not only to young girls.

What makes her repeat the question?

Of course, she really wants to know. Perhaps she wants to wear me out through repetition. That’s probably part of it. Perhaps she wants to trigger the beta male’s reflex to truthfully answer any question. So her motive is to find out as much as to shittest me.

But more importantly, she feels the heat rising between her legs with each denial of an answer. And she is simply addicted to repeating that experience.