Archive for the ‘music’ Category

I’m a thug, I’m a lover, I’m a dog, I’m a father…

August 27, 2010


Meredith Brooks sings:

I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your health, I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way

Imagine a male version, a smoky, ultra-masculine voice singing:

I’m a thug, I’m a lover,
I’m a dog, I’m a father
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your h/wealth, I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way

The interesting thing is: this gender inversion renders the final line “You wouldn’t want it any other way” true.

This is because the original lyrics are in fact a confused inversion of the reality of gender dynamics.

While women love assholes, men do not love bitches.

Women love assholes because they project power, which is what women are primarily attracted to. Men do not love bitches, because being a bitch does not enhance beauty, which is what men are primarily attracted to.

Being highly desired, can cause arrogance in either gender, turning a woman into a bitch and a man into an asshole. However, the reverse causality only works on women. So for a man acting the asshole increases his sex appeal. But for a woman acting the bitch doesn’t increase her sex appeal.

The misguided inversion of genders sometimes leads females to try seduction tactics on men that are bound to fail. For example, I’ve had women neg me to seduce, saying things like: “I don’t like you.” and “You don’t have any sense of rhythm.”

Now, of course, it could be that she just really didn’t like me or I don’t have any rhythm. However, in these situations it was obvious from context that she was just trying to get my attention.

This phenomenon is fascinating. The technique is unlikely to have ever worked for her on a man. That she is using it reveals her thought process: she knows it would work on her, and she assumes that men are the same.

There’s even a book selling this misguided idea to unsuspecting women…

The Masterplan

August 23, 2010

I want it all: Sexual fulfilment and long-term love. But how can I reconcile the idea of a loving and equal relationship with the female sexual preference for the dominant mysterious manipulator, whom I love to play?

There is no easy fix, but the following game plan might do the trick.

I am open to where life takes me. The freedom of roaming as a single man and the security of long-term love both have substantial appeal. Combinations of these two elements are possible, either concurrently (in an open relationship) or sequentially (regaining freedom if love is lost). But either alternative by itself could also be fulfilling.

I have high standards in selecting a long-term partner. She has to be hot, passionate, loving, interesting, intelligent, and honest. And she has to accept the sexual polarity. (“I treat a bitch like a queen, but she’s got to realize I’m the goddamn king.” – Gangster of Love by the Geto Boys)

I hold myself and her to high standards for maintaining a long-term relationship. I’m radically honest. I enjoy the love and relatively greater security of a relationship. But I balance this with relationship game and independence. I accept her sexuality, including some degree of drama generation and continued shit testing (which I consider her rubbing up against my manhood). But I also expect the relationship to be soothing and loving overall. If she brings more stress than soothing over an extended period, I explicitly threaten to end my commitment and follow through if necessary. This converts the relationship to some combination of fuck-buddies and friendship, if she is open to that, or ends it altogether.

I lead the cultivation of the sexual polarity, and expect her complicity. I will offer her a common narrative, in which I am a kind of superhero and she is there to adore and support me. She will accept and help elaborate this narrative, effectively gaming herself and boosting my confidence. Her complicity is essential. Should she reject the offer of building a common narrative of this nature together, then I will reclaim my freedom. (The bottom line is this: if she doesn’t cooperate in creating the sexual polarity that she needs to maintain her sexual attraction, then I’d rather game multiple girls and enjoy the sexual variety of the single life.)

If she says she loves me and I believe her, I may conditionally accept monogamous commitment. I will only do this if I trust her monogamous sexual and emotional commitment and if the sexual chemistry is great. As long as we keep this up, she has me. However, I will reclaim my sexual freedom should I subjectively feel that she is less committed or if the sexual chemistry between us fades. She is the commitment leader; my commitment will always be a little below hers. To the extent that she inspires my trust, my commitment will approach hers.

If I subjectively feel that her commitment has dropped, I will reclaim my sexual freedom without confronting her about it. I may or may not stray at that point. Perhaps she turns it around before I do. Should I stray, I will not confront her about it, but will not go out of my way to lie either. I will make sure not to mislead her in the long-run by pretending to be entirely committed when I am not. If she finds out I strayed, I will explain that I reclaimed my sexual freedom, because I had a strange feeling about that part of our relationship. I will not seek to find out whether she cheated or what happened. My feeling led me to reclaim my freedom. I won’t hate her. She might win me back. I will continue to be emotionally committed if this is reciprocated (in what has by then become an open relationship).

If this game plan makes a long-term love relationship impossible, then I’ll enjoy the freedom of being a single man.

I love the way you lie

August 11, 2010

Eminem and Rihanna are two artists with histories of violent relationships. They are perfectly cast in the roles of “tornado” and “volcano” in the duet “I love the way you lie”.

Ok, perhaps Chris Brown, Rihanna’s real-life abusive, and much beloved, boyfriend would have been even better, but he doesn’t write or rap like Eminem.

The two artists’ roles in the song are defined by gender at every level: Rihanna sings (feminine), Eminem raps (masculine). Rihanna feels and emotes, Eminem acts and then judges. Rihanna is the victim. Eminem is the perpetrator and takes responsibility for his actions.

Rihanna’s chorus:

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that’s all right because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that’s all right because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

Rihanna’s explicit masochism is reminiscent of Leona Lewis’s “Bleeding Love”.  The word “burn” suggests emotional pain in the beginning of the song. But Eminem’s final verse takes the story to the bitter end of a bride burning fantasy.

If she ever tries to fucking leave me again, I’ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire.

In the video the couple is played by Megan Fox and Dominic Monaghan. Note than Megan’s character brings beauty to the table. Dominic is distinctly less good-looking. His character’s appeal to her clearly lies in the lies, the tattoos, the short fuse, and the violence that ensues. All of this rhymes perfectly with the female sexual program.

We see Megan Fox’s character literally playing with fire in the beginning: a small controlled flame in her hands. At the end, Megan is shown in flames, and serene as she burns – now literally.

“I love the way you lie” is an interesting line and title. Manipulation and lies are usually thought of as per se unattractive acts that serve the manipulator’s purpose (e.g. to seduce a woman) only through their consequences (e.g. she believes his lies). However, manipulation asserts control. To women, therefore, the act of manipulation itself is deeply sexy. She does not have to believe his lies to love them. On the contrary, if she deeply believed that he will never hurt her again, she would immediately be much less attracted to him. The manipulator’s sex appeal is lost on a woman who doesn’t sense the evil at all.

The song’s run-of-the-mill R&B production is uninspiring, but the lyrics and vocal performances are great. They push the envelope of mainstream sensibilities just enough and not too much. They attract attention, even controversy, to help sell the song, while not disqualifying it as a mainstream cultural product.

The song stokes controversy by going one step across the line. The personal experience and genuine expression of both artists is expertly channeled by the producers for this purpose. They clearly succeeded: Rihanna has been predictably criticized for glorifying domestic violence with the song.

After her own public romance of delicious domestic violence and sweet reunion with Chris Brown (which has been discussed broadly and deeply on Roissy’s blog, here’s one post), she received counseling and has publicly stated that women should leave abusive relationships. Will her female fans do as she says, or as she does?

Well, the real flame attracting them is their own sexual program. But Rihanna’s story (like Whitney’s and Madonna’s) and sweet siren pop songs like this one, are perhaps little garden torches that help set a romantic mood and mark the path through the darkness that leads to the flame.

We have to appreciate what is honest about the song: the description of the dynamics of passion. Eminem’s lyrics are excellent. But note that while Rihanna’s role is to enjoy the pain of victimhood, Eminem’s role is to assemble the facts, analyze them, judge them, admit to his lies and violence, and take full responsibility.

What makes this song interesting is that it tempts the truth. What makes it acceptable to the cultural mainstream is that it doesn’t go all the way to the truth. Going all the way would mean an honest look at her role and responsibility in the dynamics. To take that look is much scarier than seeing her burn and would disqualify the song as a mainstream cultural product. Sex and violence sells, but female sexuality is still a serious taboo. (I have discussed this before, here.)

No matter how much Rihanna admits that she loves the way it hurts and the way he lies, the lyrics place the responsibility squarely with him. Good boy, Eminem. We have an excellent product.

PS: Rihanna’s “Rude Boy” isn’t bad, either…


I love the way you lie

[Chorus – Rihanna]

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that’s all right because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that’s all right because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

[Eminem – Verse 1]

I can’t tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like

And right now it’s a steel knife in my windpipe

I can’t breathe but I still fight, while I can fight

As long as the wrong feels right it’s like I’m in flight

High off her love, drunk from my hate, it’s like I’m huffin’ paint

And I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate

And right before I’m about to drown, she resuscitates me, she fuckin’ hates me

And I love it, “wait, where you goin’?”

“I’m leavin’ you,” “no, you ain’t, come back”

We’re runnin’ right back, here we go again

So insane, cause when it’s goin’ good it’s goin’ great

I’m superman with the wind in his back, she’s Lois Lane

But when it’s bad, it’s awful, I feel so ashamed I snap

Who’s that dude? I don’t even know his name

I laid hands on her

I never stoop so low again

I guess I don’t know my own strength

[Chorus]

[Eminem – Verse 2]

You ever love somebody so much, you can barely breathe

When you with em you meet and neither one of you even know what hit em

Got that warm fuzzy feeling

Yeah them chills used to get em

Now you’re getting fuckin’ sick of lookin’ at em

You swore you’d never hit em, never do nothin’ to hurt em

Now you’re in each other’s face spewin’ venom in your words when you spit em

You push pull each other’s hair

Scratch, claw, hit em, throw em down, pin em

So lost in the moments when you’re in em

It’s the face that’s the culprit, controls you both

So they say it’s best to go your separate ways

Guess that they don’t know ya

Cause today that was yesterday

Yesterday is over, it’s a different day

Sound like broken records playin’ over

But you promised her next time you’ll show restraint

You don’t get another chance

Life is no nintendo game, but you lied again

Now you get to watch her leave out the window

Guess that’s why they call it window pane

[Chorus]

[Eminem – Verse 3]

Now I know we said things, did things, that we didn’t mean

And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine

But your temper’s just as bad as mine is, you’re the same as me

When it comes to love you’re just as blinded

Baby please come back, it wasn’t you, baby it was me

Maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems

Maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano

All I know is I love you too much to walk away though

Come inside, pick up the bags off the sidewalk

Don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?

Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball

Next time I’m pissed I’ll aim my fist at the drywall

Next time there won’t be no next time

I apologize even though I know it’s lies

I’m tired of the games I just want her back

I know I’m a liar if she ever tries to fuckin’ leave again

I’ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire

[Chorus]

Priceless advice: refrigerator game

July 13, 2010

Try again

June 30, 2010

Remember Aaliyah?

“If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again”

Rare honest advice from a hot young woman who realizes that her reflexive rejections may be weeding out good men. There’s the female arrogance of constantly rejecting males while expecting continued approaches – a biological inevitability. And then there’s the honest attempt to explain her motivation and give advice to guys on how to handle this. Delicious.

Aaliyah describes in detail how her initial rejection serves to test his mettle. She offers a psychologically accurate account of the familiar shittest of rejection.

Too late for these great guys to ever get it…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPmFZlsV8Iw

Try again

What would you do to get to me
What would you say to have your way
Would you give up or try again
If I hesitate to let you in

Now would you be yourself or play a role
Tell all the boys or keep it low
If I say no would you turn away
Or play me off or would you stay, ohh, oh

And if at first you don’t succeed,
Dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again, try again
Cos if at first you don’t succeed, first you don’t succeed
You can dust it off and try again
Dust yourself off and try again, try again

I’m into you, you’re into me
But I can’t let it go so easily

Not till I see what this could be
Could be eternity or just a week, oh
Ay, yo our chemistry is off the chain
It’s perfect now but will it change
This ain’t a yes, this ain’t a no
Just do your thing, we’ll see how it go, ohh, oh

And if at first you don’t succeed (yeah)
Dust yourself off and try again (again)
You can dust it off and try again, try again (yeah)
Cos if at first you don’t succeed (ooh)
You can dust it off and try again (try again)
Dust yourself off and try again, try again (yeah)

Said you don’t wanna throw it all away
I might be shy on the first date
What about the next date
Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh
Said you don’t wanna throw it all away
I might be buggin on the first date
What about the next date
Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh

And if at first you don’t succeed
Dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again, try again
Cos if at first you don’t succeed (first you don’t succeed)
You can dust it off and try again
Dust yourself off and try again, try again (again, again)